Nineteen.

Counting down 3 hours and a half until my birthday. Don't have to say much, really. I only wish you would be here giving me a happy birthday kiss :') oh shoo!

I love you.

Ups and Downs.

Hi.

Kuala Lumpur was heaven I can't even imagine that and I miss it. Thank God this lad of mine has been staying in Jakarta for 13 days to keep me accompany all day. We went back together on December 24th with 15 minutes difference of arrival time and he stayed over a night at my crib which was fantastic to start days ahead with him. We have been spending great times together with several ups and downs of course. I am very glad to have him as mine and to spend the rest of my life with him. However, the New Year Eve was not that perfect without his presence. He was sick after all, I couldn't agree more. I had no idea what to do but to have fun there with the family. I tried so hard to feel him to be by my side during the party until I finally saw those beautiful fireworks in the sky along with the wind that blows my hair. The best part is, he went to my house on the 1st Jan, 2010 to watch Sherlock Holmes. I twigged it was our a year and 5 months anniversary but I wouldn't bother myself to congratulate us cos it's just our beginning (:

After sterling weeks with him, I shall survive. He's back to Kuala Lumpur this Sunday and can't extend it anymore cos his job has called him. There's still a month away for me to spend the money and go there again to meet him, but then I know it's gonna be hard. I have promised myself to get a part-time job where I (think) I break it. I almost forgot I am a student in Down Under, really. The only expectation is to see him with me again this year spending a month in Perth. I always feel him, I always have him in my heart, the bottom of my heart. He is all mine and I hope I am completely yours. I will take care of myself, I promise. *cross my heart*

It is Friday which means I only have one day to spend with him, literally as his flight will be around 6PM on Sunday. I have no tears left to cry. I am way too excited to be able to be with him these fantastic weeks. I am glad to have this very considerate and amazing lad. I am sure there will be a time(s) where we can spend the rest of our lives together. I am in love with you. I love you loads.

Happy new year!

x

I'm in Indonesia for 3 months!

The title tells you everything :)

I will be going to Kuala Lumpur very soon to meet a bloke of mine, Deo. I will spend a week at his condo and thank God his mom's okay with it. I can't tell you everything here but I have splendid days with family and friends in Indonesia.

I'm still unsure when the result will come out but it's now available to enroll online. I don't know what should I take for my next semester's units but I really really hope everything's gonna be all right.

Bye then x

I no longer feel alone.

Inspired by Lily Allen's Who'd Have Known.

I don't actually know what to write here since anything interest me no more. I can't even think of how to move on from one step to another as in, how to have a normal life? I have a glass of warm water to keep me company and an Ipod to cheer me up. I always hope it could be an easy way to help me reducing this red mood I'm having right now. Everything seems to stay in two colours, gray and black. I know I've been such a pain in the ass but it's actually personal. It has nothing to do with others, I kept it myself. But before I move on, dudes, I live in peace now. Finally. Let it stay forever. I think I'm just too sensitive for everything, I make things up. I feel like everyone hates me but they pretend to be nice to me and that. I feel like I'm disliked by my friends and all who knows me. I don't even know why am I writing this now.

You know, there's only one problem that has been disturbing me these days, I feel like dying. I feel like the world is about to come to an end where I haven't done such things to help other people. I haven't told anyone I live under someone's control. I am not alone. Do you even think my family and my boyfriend love me? I've unfortunately made them hate me, once, even twice perhaps? They feel stuffed, I stopped bothering them. How do you feel to be Nadya? It is somewhat horrible, you feel sick to be her, but she is okay. She is actually friendly, it's just, she's picky. She picks her own friends but she doesn't like picky people. She's more to be an anti-social and she lives in cyber-world, half of it, I suppose. She has lots of friends but she hasn't met them, yet and that's silly, for her. As if she can consider them as her friends, any longer. I know it's hard for you to understand my words, and I hope it's only me who can actually twig all of this shits.

I think I should stop with all my online stuff. I feel horrible signing up and make friends. I feel stupid I can kill myself. Even I am now exaggerating myself. I just haven't met them yet, that's all. And I just want my normal life back, that's all. And you know what, NEVER MIND.

Currently listening to: Lily Allen - Chinese

Mood: You can tell, can't you?

I am striving to be boring.

The title explains all.

I have to be much more productive.

I have to stop being such a bloody proscinator.

I have to look at the bright side of everything.

I have to admit myself that I am genius and logic.

I have to be bloody independent.

I have to prioritise Uni and the future job.

I have to control my ego.

I have to be calm and wise.

I have to give more smile.

I need to be an introvert.

I have to thank God for everything.

In fact, I am a boring person. And still striving to be.

PS: Happy Halloween, everyone? No? Too late?

x

The air that I breathe.

This has been a very pathetic week for me as I have got 3 assignments due next week and the week after. Short to say, I am indeed distraught and zonked out. I am one of the human who is being picked by someone to do this pathetic and useless job. As my semester break starts in about 30 days from now, my Uni has decided to give us extra works to be finished on time. The fact that I am taking 4 cultural units this semester, it is as a means of exploding my brain. It is not as easy as I thought cos (i) English is not my first language which means I have a problem with grammar and structure, (ii) I have a pretty much short-term memory which makes me think of something like a shit off a shavel yet also very much indeed easy for me to forget about it, (iii) I hate critical thinking, and (iv) As holiday is about to begin, my thought keeps bumping me with my hometown and all my friends there without thinking of any asshitmens. That's how I breathe in Perth.

Inhale, exhale. That words definitely give a strong point of my life these days. I have submitted all my assignments (not including those 3) and I thought I have given my best to the tutor so I would assume I will at least get Credit. But the fact is, as I received my overall blog score today, it is like "Hang on, I thought you liked my blog. Why C, then?", I twigged it was most probably because of my grammar. My history has been grand, nonetheless. I never thought I would get HD for my essay and I'm made up about that, I hope it will be easy for me to do the exam later then. If only I could choose, I would not take this bloody Sociology as my elective unit cos it is bloody hard and yous can tell. The current quiz had no correlation at all with the seminar topics so I was rather putting rubbish on that and submitted it to him very quickly. That's how I breathe in Perth.

Even thou C will be the final score for one of my unit my semester, I would still be very excited still. I do not fail and I will not. That's my goal to survive in Uni life. I am, however, so lucky to have my ma, da, sisters and my only and best lad in the world to support me at all times. The time is now showing 12.30AM which means there will be exactly 30 days remaining to yayness. I am such a bloody proscinator. I started this blog like an hour ago and I am even still working on it now. Ha. I have a reason why it was delayed thou. I was watching Skins the second generation in the living room with mate, seeing my lovely JJ (Jay-Jay) on telly. Too bad he's single. I thought it would be splendid if he started her relationship again with Emily, really. And Effy Stonem is my drug. I am not gay, by the way.

Allright then. Hope you guys have a lovely Tuesday. Wish me luck for those 3 asshitments and I shall see you very soon in Jakarta, yeah? Abyssinia later some time, soon!

Currently listening: Seal - Kiss From A Rose

Mood: Bloody knackered!

The Life Of A Backstabber.

There are times when you can consider someone as a friend and when you can say them as your biggest enemy. Half of her attitude is actually fine, but then don't see the other half. If you had a friend like her, you better ask her to shut her mouth instead of letting her go with all her bloody bollocks. The point is, she is my housemate, to be honest. The only reason why I put that obvious clue is because I do-bloody-not care, at all. Why should I treat her as my housemate if she, herself, is a fuckin backstabber?

The story started in the middle of this year when I realised she was telling all the shits from that bloody trash can (read: her mouth). It was all a total slander and I feel sorry for her, really. Talking about people's life is not my cup of tea, even so, I'd rather say something related to me instead of telling in *details* about something which is not your bloody business at all. Ya mum, bitch. I have never had a friend like this in my life. Fuck, wank, bugger, shitting arse head and hole! I'm pretty much knackered with all those bollocks she said about me and other *victim*, really. I mean, grow up, sweetie. You talk about someone who is actually your friend who knows your other friend and your other friend knows your friend. Let me take an example. A question first, right? Have your parent ever taught you how to use your manner? Even though it is an accident, even children knows reading other's diary book is not appropriate at all. For example:

Oh my Lord, why does everyone call me ugly? I envy her. I want to be like her. She's pretty. She's an angel, she's everything that every man's need.

Then you *share* about what you just saw to someone else without even knowing whether she/he actually listens to you or not. I forgot to say, you tell it to someone else by exaggeration the actual story, sweetie. More to say, you want your listener to be on your fuckin side, don't you? How ironic.

If you don't like me, talk to me. Don't talk behind me. That's why I call you stupid, miss backstabber. I was actually glad to see you were replying my tweet that if someone's stupid then you should deal with it cos there is no cure for stupidity. Then you said something about shallow which made me think, oh wait a sec, you *are* actually one of the shallow people. I dont think you have enemies, but I know you are intensely disliked by your friends. Including me. Sometimes, I bet.

Let's say. You don't like me cos you think I'm a hypocrite type of person. You may say that but LOOK AT THAT GODDAMN MIRROR, you stubby little slut! Who the devil do you think you are ha? God of smart people? I love mocking at people, I don't believe in fuckin karma and I don't care if you don't like that. Hey, how am I supposed to do? Cry and beg you not to hate me and promise not to be like that? Fuck Sake. Say that to your friend.

I'm really gutted about all the things you did, actually. And I can't bloody treat you as my housemate. Let's say, frenemy? Yes. You tell small unimportant things to your other friend about your friend. How many victims, my dear? Count that. You won't see any tears pouring down really, I shall see your blood coming out from everywhere in your face. Later, I promise. If I ever heard things like that, again. I would never ever talk to you. I'm bloody off your trolley!

What else? Oh anyway, talking about you is actually fun. I laugh everytime I talk about you. But one thing you need to know, I tell facts, not fuckin bollocks like you. It's actually fine if you acted nice to me and friends, I would also treat you as a friend, which I'd rather not. Cos you're stupid, you're shallow. I fergot you're the smartest girl in the world. Ahah. Oh God, I think I really need to check my grammar and that before publishing this post, really. See? I'm desperate, I'm bladdered. In a slaggy kind of way. Woohoo!

I can't wait to finally have a chance to be far away from you in 41 days. No more backstabber, I suppose. At least for 3 months, right? Oh no please don't disturb me. You've seen my boyfriend more thn enough while he was here, eh? Like, you told your, oops, *our* friend, which I was hating *our* friend for making love in MY room. Hahaha oh my God that's so funny I forgot to laugh excluding that first "hahaha". That's my room, bitch. I have the rights to get mad at someone who's using it for something innapropriate. Let me ask you this: What if, which I don't think it would happen really, your boyfriend came here? Would you let him stay at a hotel? Come on, for a month? I thought you're mature enough to think about that. Of course! See, you got the answer. He'd be sleeping with you. D'oh! I need a cure for stupidity, really.

You are such a bloody jar. Oh I know you would say like "What the hell? She does the same thing like me! She talks about our friends!" and bla bla bla bla. Yeah right. It's not negative and it's not bollocks like you, still. I'm not that stupid. Haha. And please, if it's something not related to you, put a sock in it. They don't need details. K? K.

Bugger off. Whore.

Currently listening to: Anberlin - Feel Good Drag

Mood: Being backstabbed.